RIP, George.

  1. People who say, “George Who?”
  2. People, particularly those of the female persuasion, who say, “You’re a nice guy, but – “. I can be an asshole, I swear!
  3. People who say, “No offense,” when it’s clear they either meant the offense or were indifferent to it.
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4. People who act like being straight was some kind of painful decision-making process I went through. If gay people get to “choose to be gay,” they’re not getting all the fun. I want the same privilege when it comes to being straight. It’s the least they can do after the rest of us let them get married. Obviously, sarcasm doesn’t play well on a computer screen or paper.

5.  New search engines. I miss Altavista. Altavista Translate was a saviour in French class in high school. Sorry, Mrs. Chandler.

6. My hair. Who the hell told you it was okay to start changing colour?

7. Using search engines to figure out how to make money online. Nightmare.

8. Coming up with SEO keywords.

9. Not having a girlfriend. Being single (I hear) is great when you have “options.” Whatever those are.

10. The cure for cancer is illegal in far too many places. And if you’re a kid living in Canada and you should come down with the bastard, your parents might want to fit themselves for jump suits if they should even think about treating you properly. Google it or use a search engine and you’ll figure out that out pretty fast.